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Searching for my soul.

September 8, 2017

And just like that, I’m back home. Back to routine and back to real life.

But I’m not fully present. Part of me is still wandering the trails in Chamonix. A ghost, floating in the dark mist and searching for my soul. Lost somewhere amongst the sharp peaks of the Mt. Blanc mastiff.

Photo: Kirsten Kortebein

The Aftermath.

It was a day for strength and courage. Luckily I was not in low supply of either, as I used every ounce tackling the mountain. And the rain. Snow. Mud. Fog.

This race has shattered my soul. Twice now. But I find myself even more drawn to it. It’s difficult to put into words the emotions one encounters throughout the day. And night. And next day. And next night. But there is nothing quite like it. I’m completely enamored with this race….


Prognosis: Love.

The things I carry with me post-race have one common thread: love. Love for the mountain that literally ripped out my heart and soul, love for every other runner completing the task, and love for those who stayed up night and day to support me. I can’t help but feel gratitude, despite the emptiness I felt days after the finish.

Just a moment to mention the kindness of strangers.

Sophie Grant, who literally picked me up when I was sobbing on the trail in the middle of the night, lost and in a fit of emotions. We crossed the finish line together, and I am thankful for her selfless act in the moment. And now, her friendship.


Photo: Kirsten Kortebein


Iain Menmuir. My rock. We just met, but Iain I feel like I’ve known you for a million years. You stayed up night and day to support, comfort, and encourage me on my way around the mountain. You have no idea how much that meant to me and how full of gratitude my heart is. You are amazing and I would not have made it to Chamonix without you.


Photo: Kirsten Kortebein


Clare Gallagher. This girl is more than just a teammate. Clare, you won CCC, effortlessly it seemed, then rallied to come support me. You gave up sleep, comfy clothes, and basking in the post-race glow to come out and help me. I will never forget that. You picked me up when I was at my lowest and wiped away my tears. You are one of the most incredible people I know. I’m honored to call you a friend.


Photo: Kirsten Kortebein


UTMB you may have crushed me, but I’m more fiercely in love with you. I will be back. And I cannot wait until the moment we meet again.

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